Deepening Faith In Disorienting Times.

Four keys to walking through seasons of deconstruction in a way that deepens, rather than destroys our faith.

Prefer to listen, rather than read? I’ve got you covered!

I've had to fight to maintain my faith over the past few years.

I grew up in Evangelical churches where I attended services weekly, participated in Bible studies and youth groups mid-week, and engaged in camps, retreats, and occasional conferences. I’m very fortunate because, with a few exceptions, I had very good experiences growing up. I'm especially grateful for the spiritual and theological foundation that shaped me.

But then, 2020 happened.

Like you, I spent the majority of that year holed up at home with my family. I was striving to keep my brand-new church plant afloat in Salt Lake City. We moved our prayer meetings to Zoom and I recorded sermons on my phone to post on YouTube. It was miserable, but we managed to get through it.

When I wasn't studying, writing, and recording, I was often anxiously doom-scrolling, trying to understand and make sense of what was happening in the world.

• The pandemic was terrifying.

• There were conspiracy theories and misinformation circulating.

• There was a steady stream of video evidence highlighting systemic racism.

• There was social unrest in response.

• And amidst it all, there was an ugly election taking place.

Now, all of those events were unsettling, but none of that truly challenged my faith. What challenged me was the response to them from the very community of faith I had grown up in. In short, it was ugly and felt very un-Jesus-like. It often lacked compassion, wisdom, and, most importantly, love. It led me to question everything I thought I knew about the faith tradition that raised me.

The good news is, I know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

A growing number of people within the local church are feeling disoriented. Many are even becoming jaded toward both Jesus and the Church due to experiences similar to mine. I also recognize that many have endured abusive leadership. Having experienced abusive leadership firsthand, I understand the destructive toll it takes on one's life and faith. So, it's understandable why many of us have had to fight for our faith.

Sadly, I've heard many pastors criticize those who are struggling. The criticism often implies that people aren't genuinely grappling with their faith; rather, they simply want to do as they please. Some argue that "deconstruction" is a means of rejecting authority. Now, I can’t speak for every instance. I can say two things: First,I’ve walked with people through this process and second, I’ve not seen it be about throwing off the authority of Scripture. It hasn’t been about the freedom to do whatever they want. Again, that may happen. But I’m skeptical that it’s happening at the scale many are claiming.

Here’s what I’ve both witnessed and experienced:

Jesus calls His body to be the light of the world. When that body instead fills the world with darkness, it can leave people feeling disoriented.

This is a justified response. What isn’t justified is gaslighting those who are going through it. The truth is, it's easy to downplay, dismiss, or demonize the struggles of others. It's harder to look at what we’ve done to contribute to it.

So, all that to say, if you’re struggling, I understand. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for any experience that has shaken your faith. I’m sorry if you've faced criticism instead of support. I'm sorry that you're hurting. I know firsthand how frightening it is to feel uncertain.

AND…

There can be a healthier experience of faith on the other side of this struggle. The question is, how do you navigate all we’ve experienced without losing your faith? Here are a few things I’ve had to wrestle with. I hope something here will offer you some help:

1. We must grieve the loss of our fairy tale.

I've had to come to terms with the reality that the "faith family" I grew up in was more Kardashian than Christ-like. While I'm grateful for many positive experiences, I'm also striving to be honest about the numerous flaws that I now recognize exist. I’m trying to address these same flaw that exist within me. We all should.

However, as we walk through seasons like this, we have a choice: we can either grow resentful or we can choose to grieve. While anger is an understandable starting point, it's a lousy place to live. Every loss begs to be grieved. And many of us have lost the fairy tale we believed our faith family to be. So we have to acknowledge and express the mess of these feelings to God.

2. We must distinguish between the Jesus of Scripture and the Jesus of culture.

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend over eggs and homemade pop tarts. Like me, this friend has dedicated the majority of their adult life to working in the local church. And like me, the past few years have left him feeling beat up. He said something that has stuck with me ever since. While discussing the complexities of navigating all of this as a parent to young children, he said,

"I want my boys to encounter the authentic Jesus, not the Jesus of the church."

I wish the "authentic Jesus" and the "Jesus of the church" always aligned perfectly. Unfortunately, they often don't. No Christian, church, or denomination will perfectly reflect the Jesus of Scripture. But, the answer isn't to abandon Jesus altogether. Instead, we have to ask if the Jesus with whom we're being presented is consistent with the Jesus of Scripture.

3. We might need to explore new expressions of our faith.

In the late summer of 2020, I started training as a spiritual director. It was a diverse program that exposed me to a wide range of perspectives, and we read…a lot. I was blessed to study outside my own tradition. I experienced expressions of prayer, community, and Scripture in ways I never had. Some didn’t resonate. Much of it did.

This experience helped me remember what a big “family” the Christian tradition is. We don’t have to agree on everything. We don’t all have to practice our faith the same. But we can, and should learn from one another. In fact, finding fresh ways to experience your faith may be the thing you need right now.

4. We must move towards an experiential theology.

We're often conditioned to view Christian faith solely through the lens of belief. While belief is undoubtedly crucial in our relationship with God, it doesn't encompass the entirety of it. God isn’t just someone in whom we believe. God is a someone with whom we’re meant to relate. God longs for us to experience Him intimately. He wants to share His heart and His mind with us. He wants us to share our hearts and minds with Him. Particularly in times of struggle, we need to experience His comfort and care firsthand.

For me, finding a spiritual director has been and continues to be pivotal. A spiritual director assists in positioning you to recognize and experience God's presence. They help guide you in learning to discern His voice and discerning how He invites you to respond. If it weren’t for the people who have walked with me in this capacity, I’m genuinely not sure I would have made it. I would be honored to serve you in this capacity, or help you find someone who can. (We can even meet on Zoom to discuss.)

Despite the claims of some, I don't believe that what we commonly refer to as "deconstruction" is always a negative process. In fact, often it serves as a vital part of our ongoing journey toward Christlikeness. There is so much proverbial bathwater that needs to be thrown out. Much of it is old, dirty, and frankly gross. So, deconstruction itself isn't inherently bad. But, it can dangerous. We need wisdom. We need community. We need guidance.

I pray that you can release what needs to be released.

I pray you can rethink the things that need to be rethought.

And I pray you can reconstruct a faith that leads you to flourishing relationship with Jesus.