How to Tame the Wandering Mind.

Dealing with distraction during prayer.

Hey Friends!

Before you jump into this week’s article, I just wanted to make sure that you were aware that The Lighthouse is a podcast too. Each week I record and post this same article, because I know some people prefer to listen rather than read. If that’s you, subscribe to The Lighthouse Podcast wherever you listen. For sake of ease, you can find links to subscribe on Spotify and Apple Podcasts below. I hope it’s helpful!

- Ryan

Sometimes it feels like there’s a circus in my head.

Whenever I try to get quiet, there’s an eruption of restless energy. It's like acrobats soaring through the air, clowns careening wildly, and the chaos of roaring animals and blaring music. Even as I sat down to write this article, I struggled to get started—not because I didn’t know what I wanted to say, but because my attention was divided between so many other things:

- I was in the midst of a text exchange with my wife.

- I was thinking about the sermon I was preparing for the weekend.

- I was curious if there had been any response to something I posted on social media.

- I was consumed by a conversation I’d had earlier in the day.

- I was hungry and wondering where I could find a mid-morning snack.

It’s hard to focus when it feels like the opening scene of The Greatest Showman is playing in your mind. In short, it’s often hard to focus, especially when you and I try to pray.

As both a pastor and spiritual director, a significant part of my work is helping people learn to pray. I often get questions steeped in discouragement about distraction while praying. If you’ve ever tried to pray, I can almost guarantee you’ve experienced this. The moment you begin to pray, you’re also thinking about the long list of tasks you’re responsible for that day. Uncomfortable feelings like shame, sadness, and self-loathing start to surface. Memories once buried beneath the busyness of your life reanimate in almost zombie-like fashion. It only takes a couple of sentences before the circus starts.

I know how frustrating this feels. So let me share five pieces of advice that I guarantee will help you deal with distraction while praying.

1. Be kind to yourself.

Your mind wanders roughly 47% of the hours you’re awake. It can be frustrating, yes, but it’s also normal. So I invite you to begin by adjusting your perspective on the “problem.” Think about it: we don’t get frustrated by the fact that we need to breathe. We’re rarely annoyed with our regular need to eat. We tend to welcome the fact that we need sleep. These are normal rhythms of life that we embrace. The same is true of our wandering minds. We wish it were different. And yes, there are things we can do to improve our focus. But a wandering mind is part of being human. So be kind to yourself when your mind wanders while praying.

2. Allow your mind time to settle.

You can't expect your mind to immediately settle. Scrolling through reels, planning out your day, texting with a friend, or barely surviving a workout don't position your mind for peace. Our minds need time to settle. Monks of old used to imagine the mind like a jar filled with muddy water. If you keep shaking the jar, the water remains murky and unclear. But, if you place the jar down and leave it undisturbed for a while, the dirt will gradually settle at the bottom, and the water will become clear.

Father Thomas Keating writes,

“Twenty to thirty minutes is the minimum amount of time necessary for most people to establish interior silence and to get beyond their superficial thoughts”[1].

To focus while praying, you need to allow time for your mind to rest. It's ok if it feels stirred up with thoughts and emotions at the start. Becoming aware of the present moment helps our mind begin to settle. So, try taking in your surroundings through your five senses. What do you see, feel, smell, hear, and taste? Pay attention to your breathing and be mindful of how it feels to inhale and exhale. Notice if your body is holding any tension and allow your breathing to help you release it. Give your mind time to settle.

3. Pray out loud.

Trying to express my heart and mind to God in silence often makes it hard to stay focused. I don’t know about you, but I find it hard to silently focus my thoughts on almost anything. If I’m quiet and up in my head, my thoughts are prone to jump from subject to subject, feeling to feeling, and idea to idea. My thoughts pour out like clowns from a car.

When I notice I’m struggling to focus my attention, it can be helpful to pray out loud. When I verbalize my thoughts and feelings, my mind is less inclined to wander. So give it a try. Find a secluded spot. It would be a shame if someone called the people in white coats to come cart you off to the hospital for talking to yourself. So once you're alone, lift your voice and talk to God the way you’d talk to a trusted friend.

4. Write your prayers down.

Full disclosure: praying out loud when I’m alone has never been comfortable for me. I know people who find it their preferred way to pray, but I’m not one of them. I prefer to write my prayers down. I’ve kept a sporadic “prayer journal” since I was young. But for the past five years, it’s become a daily practice for me. I love it for a variety of reasons. For instance, it helps me “externalize” the thoughts and feelings I’m expressing to God. It provides a record of my relationship with God. It helps untangle my thoughts. But more importantly, it helps my mind from wandering. The tactile nature of writing helps me slow down and focus. So grab a sheet of paper, pick up a fancy notebook, or open a note on your phone, and try writing your prayers down.

5. Welcome the chance to return.

Here's the sobering reality. You can be kind to yourself. You can allow your mind time to settle. You can find tactile ways to pray. And your mind will still wander. And that’s okay! Again, it's normal! But when it happens, you are faced with a choice. You can get frustrated, or you can welcome it as an opportunity to return your attention to God.

I remember hearing Thomas Keating tell a story. A nun came to him expressing frustration that her mind wandered every time she tried to pray. If it were me, I'd want to give her some hacks. But Keating responded by saying, “If during your meditation, you discover you've been thinking 99 percent of the time, then that’s a hundred opportunities to return to God.” His point is simple, but significant. Distraction invites us to return our attention to God. And make no mistake. God is not annoyed by your wandering mind. And if God’s not annoyed, then you need not be either.

I know how frustrating it is when you finally find the time and space to pray but just can’t seem to quiet your thoughts. Our interior worlds are often noisier than the world around us. So I understand and share the inclination to stop our minds from wandering. But here’s my closing invitation:

Release the need to stop your mind from wandering. Instead, learn to steward it gently.

It may not silence the circus, but I promise it will help.

[1] Thomas Keating, Open Mind, Open Heart: The Contemplative Dimension of the Gospel (New York: Amity House, 1986), 23.