Lord, I Owe You An Apology.

There is no sustained relationship, even with God, apart from frequent apology and ample forgiveness.

When I became a parent, there were so many things for which I was unprepared.

I was unprepared for how little sleep I’d get.

I was unprepared for how many diapers would need changing.

I was unprepared for how someone so small could be so adept at wiggling out of a swaddle so many times a day.

But what I may have been most unprepared for was how much being a parent would require me to apologize.

There is simply no way to be a parent without also making an almost infinite number of mistakes. I’ve been to harsh with my tone. I’ve been thoughtless with my words. I’ve been too strict, and I’ve been too lenient. I’ve been inconsistent, failing to follow through on a commitment. I’ve been preoccupied with things of lesser priority. As a result of these many failures, I’ve had to apologize to my kids… a lot. Thankfully, they’ve always been quick to forgive.

The truth is, there is simply no sustained relationship of any kind without two things:

Frequent Apologies + Ample Forgiveness.

Our relationship with God is no exception. We know this because in Matthew 6:12, Jesus teaches us to pray, “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Jesus equates sin with a “debt,” implying that something is owed. One thing that is always owed in response to sin is an apology. Now, there is a basic assumption here: because we have been forgiven an insurmountable debt by God, we will, in turn, forgive those who sin against us—a point Jesus makes clear in Matthew 18:21-35. But I want to focus our attention on the actual petition Jesus teaches us to pray:

Now, just before we jump into the three questions we’ve been bringing to each of these petitions, I want to be clear about something. This prayer for forgiveness, in no way, implies that we somehow lose our saving relationship with God each time we sin. It means that sin causes a rupture of sorts in the flow of the relationship with Him. Think about it like a fallen tree jamming up a stream. The tree obstructs the flow of water.

Sin has a similar effect on the relationship. If I sin against a friend, it causes a rupture in the relationship. That rupture then has to be repaired for the relationship to return to its unhindered state. This is why we pray, “Forgive us our debts…” To ensure that nothing hinders our ability to relate to God to the fullest extent possible.

Now that we have that established, let’s bring our questions to this prayer.

What do these words say about God?

One of the most significant implications here is that God actually desires to forgive! God longs to forgive. He wants restoration and reconciliation. God longs for an unobstructed flow of a relationship with us. This should come as great encouragement. Often when we’ve failed in some way, we project feelings onto God that He doesn’t actually possess. For instance, we may project that God is angry and wants to punish us by withholding a relationship. But nowhere does Scripture say that. In fact, 1 John 1:9 promises, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful… to forgive.” Forgiveness is one of God’s chief character traits, so there is simply no failure God does not long to forgive.

What do these words say about us?

It would seem silly to not acknowledge that this prayer implies that we do, in fact, sin. This means we all fail to do the things God calls us to do, and we all tend toward doing things God calls us not to do. The least we can do is be honest about this. 1 John 1:8 says, “If we say, ‘We have no sin,’ we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” The good news of grace is that God’s response to our sin is not to prescribe penance. He doesn’t want us to self-punish or wallow in shame. He simply invites us to ask for forgiveness, which brings us to this final point.

How might we more faithfully pray like this?

One obvious answer to this question would be, “Well, simply pray the very words Jesus models.” I’ve certainly prayed these words more times than I can count. The only liability I’d warn you of is this: It is counterproductive to ask for forgiveness generally when we know we’ve sinned specifically. Good apologies don’t work like that, and neither does genuine repentance. So here are what I call “The Five Stages of Seeking God’s Forgiveness:”

EXPERIENTIAL

We start, as always, by settling our bodies, quieting our hearts, and being mindful of our thoughts. We take some deep breaths and welcome the Holy Spirit into this still place with us and ask Him this question:

What failure do I need to confess?

Remember, the implication of Jesus’ petition is that we sin. Sometimes we’re aware of sin, but often we aren’t. This is why one of the many ways the Holy Spirit is our Helper is by bringing sin to our attention. This is what we call the convicting work of the Spirit (John 16:8-11). So, we ask Him this question and then go to work with Him doing these five things:

1. Examine.

We start by inviting the Spirit to examine our lives for anything that may hinder our experience of relationship with God. Consider praying with the Psalmist, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me…” (Psalm 139:23-24).

Scripture is one of the primary ways the Spirit examines our hearts. He holds up the Scriptures to us like a mirror. It reveals the many ways in which we are not living as our true selves God created us to be. Next, we…

2. Acknowledge.

As an awareness of sin rises to the surface, we fight the urge to turn away from it or pretend it isn’t there. That’s self-deception. That is a functional way that we claim we have no sin (1 John 1:8). Instead, we simply acknowledge it. Next, we…

3. Own.

As the Spirit reveals an area of failure in our lives, we respond by taking responsibility for it. We’re saying, “You’re right, Lord. I did that.” We don’t make excuses, justify, or try to explain it away. We take responsibility and own the sin the Spirit reveals. Then, we…

4. Confess.

Because God is faithful to forgive in response to our honest confession, we should be eager to do so (1 John 1:9). The longer we avoid this confession, the longer we experience an obstruction to the flow of our relationship with God. This is self-harm to our souls. Instead, we choose the healing path and confess. Then, finally...

5. Repair.

To be clear, there’s a distinction to be made between “repair” and paying “penance.” Penance is self-punishment, and that’s not what God is after. This also doesn’t mean God withholds His forgiveness, nor His presence from us until we jump through some set of hoops. It simply means we seek restitution.

For instance, if I steal your car and then come confess that to you, I bet I can guess your next question: “Thanks for telling me. When do I get my car back?” Confession doesn’t remove the need for restitution. In fact, our willingness to repair any damage our sin has done reveals the true fruit of our repentance.

I know this sounds far more involved than simply saying, “Forgive my debts.” But, like everything, the more we practice this, the more natural it becomes. So rather than allow shame and pride to drive us into hiding, let’s use this prayer and the promise it implies to step into the open with God today.