Quiet Guides

Discovering spiritual direction.

Hey Friends!

Before you jump into this week’s article, I just wanted to make sure that you were aware that The Lighthouse is a podcast too. Each week I record and post this same article, because I know some people prefer to listen rather than read. If that’s you, subscribe to The Lighthouse Podcast wherever you listen. For sake of ease, you can find links to subscribe on Spotify and Apple Podcasts below. I hope it’s helpful!

- Ryan

Have you ever found your life at a crossroads?

Even now, you might find yourself in one of those seasons where you know you have two choices in front of you. You can continue to press ahead in life as you always have, or you can venture into the unknown. I came to a crossroads like this in the fall of 2019.

I was navigating the complexity of planting a new church in Salt Lake City. I was doing so on the heels of two traumatic years of ministry elsewhere that I hadn’t processed. I also felt like I was experiencing an emotional meltdown more and more by the day. The lifetime of pain I thought I had under control began to prove otherwise. I was also spiritually restless. I had a deep longing for more intimacy in my relationship with God. Tired of settling for God at a distance, I sensed He was inviting me to so much more.

I was at a crossroads.

Now, I wish I could say that it was courage that drove me into this new unknown. But in truth, I’m not sure I felt like I had a choice. The way I’d learned to live wasn’t working anymore. But I also felt lost. I didn’t know how to proceed. One of the weird things about being a pastor is that I don’t have one. I’ve lost almost every mentor or spiritual guide I’ve ever had to either death or betrayal. So this particular crossroads didn’t feel exciting and filled with possibility. It felt confusing, overwhelming, and scary.

During all this, I remember hearing Lore Wilbert and Alex Early talk about their “spiritual directors.” This made me curious for two reasons. First, I admire and respect Lore and Alex. They both embody an expression of spirituality I want. If spiritual direction was part of this, I wanted it. Second, I had spent almost four decades in the Christian church at the time, but I’d never heard of a spiritual director. So I was intrigued.

Now ironically, I don’t think I ever bothered to ask anyone what a spiritual director even was. Instead, I messaged Lore to ask if she knew anyone. At the time, there wasn’t a single spiritual director that I could find in the state of Utah. Thankfully, Lore connected me with Ryan Kuja in Michigan. Ryan became my spiritual director for almost four years. He patiently walked with me through what proved to be the most draining and difficult season of my life.

There was also something about the way Ryan had walked with me that made me want to do the same for others. I wanted to become a spiritual director. With his affirmation, I started doing some research into programs. I landed on Healing Care Ministries. They trained me for two years in spiritual formation and the art of spiritual direction. It was there I met Sarah Herring. Sarah led my particular cohort and has since become my spiritual director.

The combination of therapy and spiritual direction was transformational for me. These faithful guides helped transform my inner world. They helped position me for deeper relationship with God. This also helped change my own pastoral imagination (to steal a phrase from the late Eugene Peterson).

The funny thing is, I was at least a few years into spiritual direction before I could have even defined it for you. Sure, I could have fished around trying my best to describe my experience. But I didn’t have the language to define what was taking place. I knew it was helpful. I knew I was experiencing God more and more. I knew I was learning to relate to Him. I knew I was changing. I just couldn’t have told you why. Thankfully, now I can.

Spiritual direction is a specific type of relationship. One follower of Jesus helps another recognize God’s movement in their lives and how He’s inviting them to respond. I explain it as helping someone design their life for deeper relationship with God.

It’s important to distinguish spiritual direction from therapy, pastoral counseling, and coaching. The biggest difference is that each of these good and necessary practices focuses on a different kind of problem-solving. Spiritual direction is not meant to help solve problems as its primary intent. The goal is to help a directee discern where the Spirit is at work within their story and how He’s inviting them to respond. All for a deeper experience of a healing relationship with Him.

So spiritual direction boils down to two questions over and over again:

1. Where is God in this?

2. How is He inviting me to respond?

One of the most comforting, albeit confusing, truths about God is that He is always present and at work in our lives. The problem is, we’re rarely taught to position our lives in a way that aids our awareness of Him. Furthermore, we're called to "follow Jesus." This implies that every situation, circumstance, and season of life holds invitations from Him. As such, these are the very two things spiritual direction is designed to help us do:

• Recognize God’s movement within our lives.

• Discern how He’s inviting us to respond.

Because of how simple this is, I can understand if you wonder, “Why would I need a spiritual director? Can’t I learn to ask myself these two questions?” That’s a fair question. My answer would be, “Yes and no.”

Yes, I can view my life through the lens of these two questions without a spiritual director. Each day, I’m learning to look for God in all things. More and more, I’m learning to discern what God might be inviting me to as I move through each day. But I also learned to do so through spiritual direction. Additionally, I continue to find immense value in inviting a spiritual director to come alongside me and help me listen to God. I’ll close by sharing a few reasons why:

First, I need a guide.

When I started down the path of pursuing a new way of being with God, I felt lost. I had a deep longing but no certainty in how to proceed. I needed help. Despite growing up in the church. Despite attending Christian private school my entire life. Despite my training in biblical studies. Despite studying and teaching the Bible for my entire adult life. I still needed help. And I'm not the least bit embarrassed to admit this. My spiritual directors didn’t tell me what to do. They didn’t solve my problems. They didn’t fix anything. But they knew how to position me to be with and experience God. I needed and continue to need a guide.

Second, I need deep questions.

I stand by the fact that spiritual direction tends to boil down to those two simple questions. But I need to hear those questions in a thousand different ways. I need to not settle for surface answers. I need to think and reflect. And nothing helps unlock answers like the right questions. This is one of the reasons spiritual direction is so transformational; you aren’t spoon-fed answers. You aren’t given simple hacks that promise results they can’t deliver. Instead, when it’s done well, you’re drawn into a conversation with God through deep questions.

Third, I need an empathic presence.

I've been pastoring for almost two decades. I've been a spiritual director for almost two years. My point is, I spend a lot of time with people. In this, I’m still shocked at how unkind you and I are to ourselves. We say things to ourselves we would never say to someone else. We’re brutal to ourselves. This is another reason spiritual direction has been such a gift. The empathic presence of another helps normalize my own struggles, doubts, and shortcomings. Something about another person showing me empathy has caused me to experience Jesus’ empathy toward me. Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin.” At the most basic level, this means that Jesus is familiar with how hard it is to be human. And He wants to help. The empathic presence of another has helped me experience His help.

By now, you probably feel like I’m attempting to persuade you to consider exploring spiritual direction for yourself. That’s good because I am! And I wasn’t trying to be subtle about it. I can’t help but want to commend to others something that has been so healing and transformational in my life. I understand that there are obstacles that may be prohibitive. I also understand that the timing may not be right. Maybe you're not in a place where spiritual direction is a good fit. But if any of what I’ve described resonates with you, maybe the Holy Spirit is trying to get your attention. Maybe spiritual direction is the very thing He’s inviting you to right now.

One of the great things about technology is that even if you live in a city like mine where you can’t find a spiritual director, many, including me, can serve you from afar. FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, and the small army of other video chat platforms open up the entire world to connect...literally. So if you find yourself in a season where you too are longing for more...

• More awareness of God’s presence...

• More help wrestling with hard questions...

• More depth in prayer...

• More connection to your own story...

• More healing...

Maybe God is inviting you to find a spiritual director to come alongside you. Maybe God has one of these quiet guides waiting to help you design your life for a deeper relationship with Him.