Where do I belong?

How to nurture your sense of belonging to God.

I’ve never felt an ache like abandonment.

My biological dad left to start a new family by the time I was three years old. His decision has marked the majority of my life. I’ve spent days, weeks, months, and years feeling the absence of something essential. When you lose someone as important as a father, you’re left feeling untethered, like a little rickety boat blown around in the sea. You lack the anchor that’s meant to hold you in place. You have no port that feels like “home.” In the absence of someone who’s supposed to be your home, you're left with the often unspoken question:

“Where do I belong?”

The truth is, even the most fortunate among us live with that question. The intensity with which we feel it may vary, but it’s always there. That’s because God created you and me with a longing to belong. This is why loneliness, disconnection, and isolation hurt so deeply. In the absence of belonging, we’re having a sub-human experience. Our souls are designed to belong.

Just a few years after my parents' divorce, my mom remarried. Despite having two older kids of his own, the man she married made the loving choice to adopt my brother and me. He wasn’t just my mom’s new husband—he became my dad. I’ve always been struck by his choice to adopt us. He didn’t have to do that. Moreover, he backed up his decision by treating me like his own son. I never felt like a stepchild. He loved and nurtured me as if I were his.

As you can imagine, being adopted didn’t erase the ache of first being abandoned, but it certainly helped. One way it helped was by giving me a concrete experience of someone making the deliberate choice for me to belong to them. This has had a profound effect on my relationship with God.

In Ephesians 1:4-5, the Apostle Paul writes:

“Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure.” (NLT)

Sit with this for a second.

Before anything else, God loved you. That love was so deep, and His desire for you was so strong, that He chose to draw you to Himself, adopt you, and make you His own. He loved you and said, “You belong to me.” Not because of anything you’ve done or anything you bring to the table. His pure love for you drove the decision to make you His own. No matter what else has happened or will happen in your life, you are His child (Romans 8:16), His “special possession” (1 Peter 2:9). Nothing defines your identity more profoundly, or provides you with more security. Nothing can change His choice. You belong to Him.

Obstacles to Feeling a Sense of Belonging

The bad news is, there are a few sizable obstacles obstructing our ability to experience the reality of our belonging to God.

Obstacle #1: Shame.

Many of us live with an overwhelming sense of shame. Sometimes this shame is due to things we’ve done, but it can also come from something done to us. Shame drives us into hiding. Despite Scripture’s promise that there is “no condemnation for those in Christ” (Romans 8:1), we hide from God or from others, and our hiding slowly erodes any sense of belonging.

Obstacle #2: Fear of Rejection.

Especially if you've been abandoned or rejected by an important person, it leaves behind a fear that it will happen again. Your brain tells you that rejection is not just something that happened—it’s what always happens. This fear forms a pattern, making you distance yourself from God and others. While it might feel like protection, it also eliminates your ability to experience belonging.

Obstacle #3: Busyness and Distraction.

In our culture, you and I are always in danger of living at a pace that makes relationship with God impossible. We’re too busy to sit with Him, too distracted to recognize His presence, and too preoccupied to notice His movement in our lives. But neglecting relationship prevents us from experiencing belonging, which requires intentional nurturing.

The good news is, these obstacles are not impossible to overcome. God has given us various means nurture our sense of belonging to Him.

2 Practical Ways to Nurture a Sense of Belonging.

Contemplative Prayer.

Contemplative prayer is a form of Christian prayer where we choose stillness in the presence of God. Brennan Manning wrote, “Contemplative prayer is above all else looking at the person of Jesus.”¹ Unlike other forms of prayer, it invites the mind and heart to rest in Him, nurturing an awareness of His presence, listening for His voice, and experiencing our belonging.

One place to start is with the simple breath prayer, “Abba, I belong to you.” In The Furious Longing of God, Brennan Manning shares the story of a nun who experienced profound healing by praying this simple phrase each morning: “Abba, I belong to you.” It’s a seven-syllable prayer that matches the rhythm of your breathing. As you inhale—Abba; as you exhale—I belong to you.

Don’t underestimate the power of continually sitting with the simplest of prayers. So consider Brennan’s counsel. For the next 30 days, spend a set amount of time (5-20 minutes) slowly praying, “Abba, I belong to you,” and simply notice the effect. If you’re serious about nurturing your sense of belonging to God, begin exploring contemplative prayer.

Deep Gratitude.

The power of gratitude is undeniable. It has been shown to reduce depression, lessen anxiety, relieve stress, and even support heart health. This is another example of science supporting what Scripture has always said:

• “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good…” (1 Chronicles 16:34)

• “Enter His gates with thanksgiving…” (Psalm 100:4)

• “… be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15)

Because of all this, I started experimenting with a gratitude practice a few years ago. At first, I simply wrote down three things each day that I was thankful for. To be honest, it had little effect. I didn’t feel noticeably happier. I didn’t sense any change in my relationships with those around me. And I didn’t notice much change in my relationship with God. I would just jot them down and then move on with the day, unaffected in any detectable way.

But then I heard Tony Robbins (yes, that Tony Robbins) describe his own morning gratitude practice. Each day, he, too, identified three things he was grateful for. But rather than write them down and move on, he would hold each one for a minute. He described trying to feel the gratitude. So I gave it a try, and it changed everything for me. Now, I do my best to re-imagine any interaction or experience for which I’m grateful and sit with the feelings they evoke. It obviously takes more intention, but it also has a far greater impact. I almost always walk away feeling profoundly different.

But here’s the big difference between my gratitude practice and the one Tony Robbins explained: I choose to see these experiences as expressions of God’s goodness to me. If someone says or does something kind for me—that’s God’s goodness. If I have an experience I enjoy—that’s God’s goodness. If something strikes me as beautiful—that’s God’s goodness. The more I embrace these reasons for gratitude as expressions of God’s goodness, the more it nurtures my sense of belonging to Him, my good Father.

So, write down a few things you’re genuinely grateful for, set a timer, and spend one minute on each, doing your best to feel deep gratitude for them.

You belong to Him.

No one has to move through life feeling as though they don’t belong. You may not feel like you belong in your family, your workplace, or even your church. But you absolutely do, and you can feel that you belong to God. He loved you before the foundation of the world. He chose you as His own. He adopted you as His child. And no matter who you are, what you’ve done, or what’s been done to you, right now He declares over you:

“You belong to me.”

1. Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2002), 92.