Say Less.

Learning to embrace silence as an invitation to simply be with God.

Hey Friends!

Before you jump into this week’s article, I just wanted to make sure that you were aware that The Lighthouse is a podcast too. Each week I record and post this same article, because I know some people prefer to listen rather than read. If that’s you, subscribe to The Lighthouse Podcast wherever you listen. For sake of ease, you can find links to subscribe on Spotify and Apple Podcasts below. I hope it’s helpful!

- Ryan

Having teenagers requires a constant commitment to learning a new language. A few years ago, I never would have imagined using words like riz, mid, or bussin in a sentence. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that not only can I define these words, but I also may—or may not—use them fluently on a regular basis. Don’t judge me. I’m fighting for every last ounce of relevance with my kids.

A few weeks ago, I was confronted with yet another phrase that required Google Translate to understand. I was talking with my 14-year-old son about which skatepark we should hit the next morning, and he replied, “Say less.” I was confused. The phrase itself seemed so dismissive, implying a desire for me to stop talking. But the tone with which he said it conveyed enthusiasm. It was disorienting. Was I supposed to feel encouraged or offended? I asked him what he meant, but his explanation was just as confusing as the phrase itself. So, I Googled it.

UrbanDictionary.com says, “The phrase ‘say less’ means that someone says something good that you are excited about. It can also mean that you understand someone clearly and don’t need any further explanation.”¹ The good news is, I don’t think my son has lost all respect for me. Moreover, there is something about this simple, albeit confusing, phrase that resonates with something I’ve learned about prayer.

I used to equate prayer with bringing God a list of requests I needed Him to fulfill each day. He was like a divine waiter, and prayer was my chance to give Him my order each morning. To be fair, this type of “petitionary” prayer is good and necessary. Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “Give us today our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11). But any relationship in which communication consists solely of one party making requests of the other is going to be, well…weird, to say the least.

In addition to making requests, prayer also involves sharing our hearts, expressing our thoughts, listening, and, as I’ve come to learn, even just sitting with God quietly.

One of the signs of a secure relationship is the ability to sit comfortably together without the need to fill every second with words. I’ve been married for almost 20 years, and I love talking with my wife. I love hearing about what she’s thinking and feeling. I love to hear what she’s listening to and reading. But I also love that we can have stretches of time sitting on our deck, driving in the car, or going for a walk and say nothing. We’re still very much together. We still enjoy one another’s company. The quiet is simply another way that we can be together. I’ve found sitting with God to be no different.

Years ago, I started experiencing a deep dissatisfaction with my lack of intimacy with God. To my surprise, the remedy wasn’t reading more or praying more. One of the most significant sources of deepening my relationship with God was actually to…

Say less.

I would wake up before my family, pour a cup of coffee, and sit silently in the dark with God. I didn’t pray my list. I just sat mindfully, but quietly, with Him. Obviously, my mind would drift to various tasks, ideas, or concerns. But I did my best to simply let them pass like clouds in the sky on a breezy day. I didn’t resist them. I didn’t dwell on them. I just tried to entrust them to God and come back to an awareness of sitting in His presence.

Through this simple practice, something surprising happened. I started walking away feeling like I’d actually been with God. Praying my list rarely accomplished this. My list made me feel like I’d completed a task, but it didn’t make me feel closer to God. But for some reason, just sitting with Him in the quiet did. Maybe it’s true that “silence is God’s first language.”²

So this week, I invite you to give this a try. It might feel a little foreign at first, but that’s okay.

Find a quiet spot where you won’t be interrupted.

Or go for a walk in a place you enjoy.

God welcomes all your feelings, ideas, and competing thoughts. He cares for them all. But rather than bring your long list of requests, try this…

Say less.

1. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=say%20less

2. The phrase “Silence is God’s first language” is often attributed to St. John of the Cross, a 16th-century Spanish mystic and Carmelite friar. However, it’s worth noting that the exact wording might vary, and some variations are also attributed to other mystics like St. Teresa of Ávila or Thomas Keating, a modern Trappist monk who popularized centering prayer.